karmic connection

Ever felt like humming ..

Tera mujhse hain pehle ka nata koi..
yoon hi nahin dil lubhata koi..
jaane tu ya jaane naa..
maane tu ya maane naa..

Ever felt a karmic connection wid anyone ? Cud be anyone .. a frnd , a family member or a person who u came across and then ur paths diverted .. but ... that connection stayed .. something that makes u feel connected .. at a level u cant understand .. d bond is so strong .. nothing matters , its just there .. i knw its crazy .. and im not talking necessarily abt love .. karmic connection is from a past life time , at d level of ur soul that is beyond ur own understanding ..unfinished business ...might hurt and u wudnt know why , might bring joy.. plentiful ... it exists ..and i think its wonderful to have that kinda karmic connection wid someone , cos no matter how distant u are from that person u always feel a kinda closeness , and it duznt matter whether or not that person is part of ur life in dis lifetime or not .. u still wish for that person's wellbeing , still whisper their name in ur prayers .. its crazy i knw .. but .. its beautiful at d same time .. mch has been written abt it i knw ... ... its a blessing ... at some point in my life i didnt understand it .. too many questions .. now i do ... finally .. closure.. :)

Magic happens .....

magic happens ? does it ... seems like a magical morning .. did magic happen ?

Read this somewhere tday and it made sense ...

''The people and situations that enter your life sometimes are literally being "used" by the Universe to teach YOU a lesson.'' ... wow !!

And these situations and people will keep coming till we learn those lessons ... lol ... so be a quick learner ..cos the universe seems to be a strict teacher !!!

Mumbai meri jaan ....

Rab ne bana dee jodi , Bigg boss 2 , Indian Idol 4 .. IDEA ad.. and so much more ... these r d last things that were on when i left India , is it that my relation with her,will almost fade out and stay connected only till these ? I wonder to myself , what is it that will bind me still .. how will i stay connected ... IPL , cricket , elections , aajtak , MTV roadies ... ive left all of it there .. and i feel dis desperate need to stay in tuch wid things there .. d same way as i was earlier ... but i guess it was only dat mch , its CNN , kobe bryant, Mc nabb ,American idol now ...

I wont knw mch of India now ... and somehow ... that duznt feel good .. i miss mumbai ... every single thing about it , d traffic , d people , d pollution ... rains , work ,the crazy gujju patients , bandstand , powai lake , galleria, IIT .. everything .. nothing in dis whole world will ever match up to any of it , well yeah i was alone there and i hve family here , but for five long yrs , d city never let me feel lonely , in its own way , Mumbai was family ... it was home , Mumbai will always be home ... It taught me to live fearlessly and from the heart .. inculcated in me d famous spirit of Mumbai ... gave me d kinda compassion noone cud ...

The auto walas who wud go out of d way to help me find way when i was lost , d watchman who wud make sure i find a parking spot, d ppl who wud help me park my car in parallel parks , d nutty bhaiya who wud definitely get milk n bread , all i needed to do was call ... d bus conductor who wud make sure i get a seat when i used d bus ... the bhakti guys .. who wud home deliver d smallest things possible at any time ,night or day .. even in heavy rains ... the locksmith who wud make keys for me every now and then at any time i lost my keys ..

Ever helpful people , caring and kind .. how many of them actually knew me ... probably none ... but d spirit of d city was such .. u didnt need to knw them ... they wud be there at an arms lenght ... d city amazes me ... all i can say is THANK YOU !

Domani's dawn

My best friend finally found his Miss Right , and uh oh broke d contract wid me .. that apart , i am overjoyed , the last time i was this happy was when mumtaz gave birth to baby kabir .. good things r happening to two of my fave people ..and also shashank , he is goin to be part of balaji soon .. i cudnt be happier ...

Going down d memory lane , cant stop thinking of the no. of time preshit cribbed to me how hard it was to find someone , how confused he was about what he was looking for , how he thought he would never ever find anyone , it was jus a mth bck when he was saying he is going to die like dis .. i cant stop smiling today ... cos i remember telling him to have patience and wait jus a little bit more .. i am so happy that i was right ... and all d long sessions speaking sense into his stupid head have paid off .. yayy !

Life sometimes or rather a lotta times looks impossible .. and when it is that way we feel that its always going to be like that , but there is dis very regenarative quality that life has , that no matter how hard it looks if u knw its going to bounce back .. it is .. and the best part is even if u dont knw , it still is ... we limit ourselves to what we know , the fact is .. we know nothing , but we r programmed to belive otherwise and that is precisely the reason why we struggle , wid ourselves , wid life ... be there or be square cos life is a circle ... and if u cant trust it enuf ... thats ur loss ...

I smile for both of my fave friends tday , sitting by dis laptop i go back 3 yrs ... when i broke off and everything fell apart .. yes it still moistens my eyes .. and something deep down crumbles wid pain .. its a pain i never knew existed that i was exposed to ... its something else ... it hurts and then it fills me up wid a lotta strength and a lotta courage .. solid belief in myself , in life .. yes .. thats what pain can do to u , it can kill u and then build a fortress arnd u and protect u forever ... save u ... my friends came through for me during those trying times .. mumtaz preshit shashank .. and all others .. i cud never thank them enuf .. pillars of support when all else failed me ... i am still resurrecting ... still building up my faith in life ,in love and people ... there were times when bitterness set in .. thats when life wud step in make me belive that everything is still beautiful if i can trust it enuf .. its still rocky .. i still wonder why .. d naivity is lost somewhere ... but i have learnt ... to be patient ,to believe .. to breathe thru d fire .. to face life right in d eye ... to hurt beyond comprehension and still survive .. and i have learnt that if u want to survive u will be helped ...there r angels up there ...

I still do believe in love and in God .. He knows what He is doing .. bas ... thats enuf

I still wait upon my Domani's Dawn ...

back to books !

And whatever made me think this was going to be easy , its one ordeal ,,.and i silently wish i sleep thru d nex few mths and wake up afr d boards are over . oh yeah ... only if ... 2001 was d last time i studied seriously , life was one big party after that .. work , friends , movies ,masti ,magic .. whoever knew coming to US wud have a flipside .. uh oh .. EXAMZ ! duh ... DUH ... did know that , but didnt knw .. back to books .. wud become a syndrome ... that im suffering from these days ...

1.I can snooze off any time of d day
2.Right when i need to concentrate i remember i need to call so many ppl
3.Suddenly CNN and TIMESOFINDIA have d most amazing news to watch
4.Looking out of the window and staring into nothing was never so mch fun
5.I love long showers
6.I can spend amazing amount of time playing wid gobhi !
7.Need to update FB all so often
8.Blogging .. nvr loved it more !!
9.I need to chek my email every few mins .. (as if God-knows-who is goin to write ..dahh )
11. I take d longest time ever to finish dinner!!
10.blah blah and more blah blah

If i cud concentrate a bit more ... wud be a boon !!



ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz fullly ures !!!!!

Silence

I know not , what prayer to say
I know not , what wish to ask
I know not , what dream to see
For Thy is silent in all I pray

I wait with patience and obedience
I seek Thy , knowing Thy abundance
At times I fear ,Thy give me strength
For trials are long ,and tired I am

I know there is light.. Thy is light
Upon Thy I wait ..patiently
I know just this
My patience must outlast Thy trials

In the silence I learn to hear Thy

Lord ..
Gimme d strength
To hear Thy ,
Accept Thy will
And Thy silence too.

Don’t Care So Much For Me,
I May Get Used To It.

Don’t Come So Near To Me,
I May Not Be Able To Detach From It.

Don’t Put So Much Faith In Me,
I May Not Be Able To Handle It.

Don’t Touch Me The Way U Do,
I May Not Be Able To Get Over It.

Don’t Become A Part Of My Life,
Because Without You, I Won’t Be Able To Live It.

Don’t Make Me Fall For You,
I May Not Be Able To Fall Out Of It.

Don’t Come Into My Life,
If You Have To Leave One Day.

Don’t Give Me The Hope,
That It’s Forever U R Going To Stay.

Because Love Is An Emotion,
I Won’t Be Able To Hide.

When Love Isn’t Reciprocated With Love,
It Hurts Deep Down Inside.

Don’t Start Something,
That I Won’t Be Able To End.

Don’t Make Me Believe,
That You Can Be More Than A Friend.

Because At The End Of It All,
I Don’t Want To Hear You Say,

That,” I’M SORRY”,
“But I Never Felt The Same Way”.

A PUNCHING BAG

And when she looked she knew she had met someone who wud be a part of her heart forever , it was a joyful feeling and she didnt wanna look back , she was in love for the first time and oh so beautiful it was , little did she know that she was looking at someone who would cause her pain for the rest of her life , yes , there were ppl who cud do that and he was going to be one of those ..

she moved on and she again met someone ,thinking this time atleast , the love Gods would have mercy and let her dreams come true .. but dreams are just dreams alas .. he left .. to crumble and crush her life .. and teach her stuff she didnt wanna learn ...

this little dame had the guts to love again .. and she did .. this time she failed yet again , she asked herself ... what is it that keeps me going ? why duznt my heart stop beating before it falls in love cos everytime after a heartbreak it dies a bit anyways ? she didnt ask ''why me'' cos she wud still wanna dream

Her dream was to find love , and give it to her heart , but alas .. she couldnt find it , no matter how she pined .. it was lost somewhere , or so was her fate .. d one thing she wanted she felt , she was denied .. it killed her and made her wonder ... am i me or am i someone else ? if i am me , then how is it that d God up there duznt know me well enuf to knw that all i need is ''love'',

She asked ''how is it that right when im so close to my dreams coming true ,they fall apart ? how long do i learn to live in the joy of the Lord while my soul whines and cries ..how long do i tell myself that this is jus what is right for me ? how long till i find what i came here for ...how much more patience .. and why?''

She needed to know '' is it wrong to dream ? is it wrong to believe ? is it wrong to hurt and still believe .. and believe endlessly ... is ther an end ... or is it always gonna be this way ?''

She was hurt more no. of times than the stars in d sky .. but she still didnt fear falling in love again , she herself didnt know why ... in the dimness of d nite , she wud silently pray absorbing all d pain .. feeling it and letting it seep in ... she wud hear her soul twist and whine ... that she said .. is what is changing ..

How many times more before she would realize that her heart is nothing but a punching bag ....

Migel Ruiz -The four agreements

A few pages later he says :

''People fear because they feel safe in their suffering.They've practiced that and can be in that place for years .They know exactly how to do it .To open the heart is to go into the unknown .People want to reach somewhere without going anywhere .Most people live their life for the end result ,but the living is the life itself .The only way for any of us to say thank you to God ,is to really enjoy and live the life we have .And to say to someone ,''Hey ,I love you.'' Who cares if they love you back ?''

Would she ...

As her friend rightly said , she had hit the wall , either she cud jump it or break it , there was no choice , wid all d options fading out,and after having tried everything else, she felt it wud be easier to just stay pinned to d wall than do any of d above , but that wud be a cowardly thing to do ...so what would she do , who knew how jumping it over wud help or wud it jus lead her to another ditch on d other side , whats on d other side anyways , was her dilemma but she wouldnt know it unless she saw it for herself , faced it herself , was she really ready for it ? was she made of that much metal that she wud face wat was on d other side rather than staying at one place and just wonder ...?

She asked herself would it hurt more to go explore what lay on the other side , what if what was there wasnt what she expected it to be ? She asked herself cornered against her wall of destiny ... is it that certain things should remain unknown and are better that way ...would she be able to face herself with the same pride if she left this to the unknown ...or would this become a regret that she carried with her all her life ? Was the fear of knowing the unknown really so big after all and was it really worth the fear ? Yes she was going to face her worst fear , and she was terrified even before it was there .She asked herself was she really so weak ?

She stood there in her dilemma ...on the verge of facing her worst fears ,on the verge of losing everything ..she stood in her safety zone wondering if her leap would change her life forever ..it was a leap she had to take in her mind .. she only had to overcome this fear and jump the wall ...would she ?

But she knew one thing ...no matter how tough it appeared to be ...she owed this to herself ...she owed this to her life ...the question was ..did she love herself and her life enuf to face what she dreaded most or did she love herself and her life to go get what she wanted most?....would she ?

Dreams

I read this on a friends blog page , its one of my favorite ones --

I knew she was looking at me.....
I knew she wanted to say something......
I knew she would be happy even if I cried......
She held me close to her.....
She had tears in her eyes......
She had all the love I could never have......
We knew we would never be together.....
We knew the dreams would remain unfulfilled.....
We did not get the chance to know each other
But we loved each other.......
I am who am.....
The still born child of my Mother.......

jaane kyon ..dekhi jaane tu !

So what was d deal !!! after so mch persuasion i finally saw jaane tu ya jaane whatever tday ...and i think i saved my frnds their head , i wudda slit em all had i spent money on it really ..aah well
1. since when did ppl talk outve paintings ,was dis a sci -fi or mano ya na mano !
2.if genelia is called meow , why is imran not called bhow bhow ?
3.who is pappu anyways !!
4.i survived the 3 hrs but cudnt figure out wat was ''jaane tu ya jaane na '' abt it
5.why did the mother leave two of her sons behind in raj , cos they were related to salman and prolly wanted to do mre shikaar and imran is related to aamir ?
6.who on earth invented these 3 condns,horses ,jail and maar peet ..uff ....gimme a break ....but nicely placed ...
7.d saving grace was our own jigu ...who wasnt able to decide whether he looked better wid or widout d moustache !

pretty lame :P

Rainfully yours ....

5.45 pm and still at work .. well yeah if im blogging , i don really have much wrk , but that aside ..its yet another rainy day in mumbai ,while i came in at 3 ,most of d ppl outside were rushing back home.most of d second shift ppl have not appeared at d centre today , d ones that did are almost gone , same ol phenomenon ..trains not working water logging , my bhai tol me ..i was a nutcase, going for wrk tday ...i really wudnt beg to differ ;-) ...i love the rains and all that associated wid them too ..there r traffic jams every where and too mch water ..its still pouring outside , and i don hve a clue how am i going to make it back home .. but for goodness sake ..its just rains !

If i may ...

It feels good today , not d usual upbeat (over) confidence that im usually in , but cos one cycle is over, or so it seems , makes sense ? I know it wudnt , to me it duz , didn’t know for a decade , didn’t even understand all this while , the why , the how ..the what …all the ‘?’ ..had no clue …speechless , blank , and loadsa dead ends ..so wats d deal ..someone up there ? knock knock ….?? Nope , that’s what I thought …oh well ..what was I hit by , a truck or did lightening just strike … phew …anyways …after a while there was no game plan ….jus give up , hands up ..heads down … get under the scalpel ..and don even bother asking wat the surgery is abt ..

All the chaos and commotion all this while ..and I thought it was abt me ..nah it wasn’t ..i was jus fooling myself by taking it so personal ..what a joke ! so they say …it was all part of a bigger picture ..didn’t I see it ? why wud I ? I wasn’t even told …oh yeah …they don’t tell u things.. u shud know , u jus learn em along d way !! u go to school ,then u give the exams , afr the exams u learn d lessons , u go thru all d grill , u probably even pass , but hey ….it wasn’t abt u all dis while anyways ..whatte fun !!

..well, well , well .. as long as its over …. What relief ;-)

Ridiculous Assumptions of a Talented Guy

Dude! Innit!! Wassup, smack my bitch up....sometimes this makes me LOL/ LMFAO /ROFLLTPIP. Ok now I got your attention, I have been invited my my friend to contribute to her blog. So here is my attempt, could not come at a right time.

Just off the phone with my boos from NZ, she thinks I am making loadsamoney. Well thats what I thought dentistry was, making money- the first assumption.

I thought its so easy to read books and do dentistry, yes technically its simple- anesthesia, drill and fill and then charge for giving them the discomfort.- second assumption.

Nice cozy life style, working in air conditioned surroundings, working sitting down, working 9 to 5- nice easy life- third assumption

Oh you will look good with this fillings, oh it wont hurt until you got to have the treatment done - fourth assumption.

I thought I am made for this shit, I can keep doing this for 20 odd years and retire in a nice place, with a nice pension- fifth assumption.

Well now the eagles have come to roost, let me tell you - its a load of rubbish.

Dentistry is hard work and only the ones who are really keen should get into this position. What the heck, I love it. I am sure you too love to go to your dentist. I can bet you he/she is a bit of a looney ( not rooney), a bit control freak, inadvertantly over weight ( again i am assuming) possibly borderline suicidal .....would you really want to go to a dentist after all. Now that I have succeeded in scaring you, let me tell you all this is rubbish, coz I am again assuming....

ZIDD KARO !

The new dhoni slogan ''zidd karo'' and why not ? When u know what u want and why u want it ...toh zidd karo ... to whatever it is in life , small things or big ....its ur belief , stand by it ...its what u want ..get it....how many of us do it ..and if we dont , then why dont we ? is it coz we dont belive enuf in ourselves or is it jus plain fear ...is it being used to the stereotype ...and not having d ability to get out of the box ? what is it then ? if u want something really bad , and really really bad ....toh zidd karo ....

or is it jus the notion of getting what we want so strong that we actually lose perspective of how exactly to go get it ? and if we do , then do we really want it that bad ??

zidd karo ....itni karo ...kee haar jaaye kismet ke taare !

Amore aria :-)

Aaaj main upar , aasmaan neeche ..
aaaj main aage ..zamana hain peeche ..
tell me ,Oh Khuda ..ab main kya karoon ??
chaloo aage ke peeche chaloooo

aarre aaarrrre aaarree .....arre arrre arrrree ..!!!

And i found way ..

A dark and ominous cloud surrounds and attempts to shut out the sun.
The joy and warmth of a heart of love shines on.
The darkness has not won.

A wavering deep within the soul questions .. Was I wrong? Did I stray?
Why would this wound me so?
I ponder and I pray.

My God of love is always there and He guides me through each day.
When I weaken and begin to question “why”.
He says, “my child, pray”.

For I will give you all you need
to “weather” such a storm.
Have faith in what you know is true.
My steadfast love transforms

I can dream !

There's no fairy godmother
To make my wish come true.
No genie in a bottle to bring me to you.
No prayer on a fallen star
No magic potion in a jar.
But i can dream and when i do.
I dream that i'm there with you

A new day

Its a new day ..every day is a new day , but for me its new in the sense that it will bring me newer dreams and newer aspirations , the sun is shining in my window , the green grass in the park from here looks greener today ..its beautiful ..the lake is bluer than everyday ....and i look happier than most days ....the first day of the rest of my life has begun and it already is bringing me joy ...a joy of a beginning ..an untold and unseen destiny ....but here it is ...all i want ..all i aspire ....the first small step towards my destiny ....i am happy .it is a new day :)