They say its oxygen , must be , but one thing human beings cant survive widout is love and affection and when its missing life goes haywire , no amount of money can make them happy .. nothing at all but for love . Its like the lifeline and the only food for the soul , the only thing that can quench the inner self , and when its not there or there is a lack of it something inside just toils and turns .. and ther is nothing u can do cos thats all u need , its strange the most imp thing is so hard to find and once u find it ..hard to keep cos then there are expectations and so mch more .. this whole thing is like ..

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The sad part abt my life has been i can screw up anything , yes anything at all , in the most unimaginable ways ... i screwed up something yday .. real bad and ive been numb since then , not even been able to react to it till now , the worst part is i cant tell dis to anyone and its killing me now , i cudnt belive it when i realized i had screwed it up .. i simply cudnt .. i still cant .. it mus be divine powers at wrk dat cud let me spoil something so important .. i dont knw ,... i hve no idea how i did it , the fact is .. i did ... and i wish i cud tell someone but i simply cant ... its unpardonable and i dont knw wat to do wid myself now ... jus bury my head in a pillow and forget i made sucha mistake ..Oh God ..why did i ? why ? WHY ?

.... 02.16.2010

And it so happens that ....

.... we change , and honestly dont even realize it .The change is said to be for the better for sure thats the reason why its there in the first place , to make us realize whats wrong about us and help us grow . I always thought i had changed , matured , learned and grown up a lot but i never knew i had changed my inherent nature to such an extent , its amazing ... i dont express anymore , my deepest thoughts , feelings .. i dont say them anymore , and for the first time i felt that that wasnt so right , but i dont , rather cant ... why ? for fear of being misunderstood ? for fear of losing again ? for fear of yet again being judged ? i dont know , but i think its the protective mechanism we all develop for ourselves , and this one is my protective mechanism .. how did this happen , how did the impulsiveness just go away ? where did it go and will it come back ? was it good for me or was it bad ... do i miss it ? do i want it back ? do i want to go back and become that person who wud say wat she felt in her heart without inhibitions and never cared about the consequences , maybe thats what the hitch was ... the consequences , somewhere down the line i started caring about the consequences , the what ifs ... i don't know wats right or whats wrong , i do know ive changed and i hope its only and only for the better ....

I guess this is what life duz to you .. u don even realize how it wrks on you and transforms you , i think i shudnt doubt its credibilty .. if it really is the best teacher then it sure must have taught me all the right things .. :)