Don’t Care So Much For Me,
I May Get Used To It.

Don’t Come So Near To Me,
I May Not Be Able To Detach From It.

Don’t Put So Much Faith In Me,
I May Not Be Able To Handle It.

Don’t Touch Me The Way U Do,
I May Not Be Able To Get Over It.

Don’t Become A Part Of My Life,
Because Without You, I Won’t Be Able To Live It.

Don’t Make Me Fall For You,
I May Not Be Able To Fall Out Of It.

Don’t Come Into My Life,
If You Have To Leave One Day.

Don’t Give Me The Hope,
That It’s Forever U R Going To Stay.

Because Love Is An Emotion,
I Won’t Be Able To Hide.

When Love Isn’t Reciprocated With Love,
It Hurts Deep Down Inside.

Don’t Start Something,
That I Won’t Be Able To End.

Don’t Make Me Believe,
That You Can Be More Than A Friend.

Because At The End Of It All,
I Don’t Want To Hear You Say,

That,” I’M SORRY”,
“But I Never Felt The Same Way”.

A PUNCHING BAG

And when she looked she knew she had met someone who wud be a part of her heart forever , it was a joyful feeling and she didnt wanna look back , she was in love for the first time and oh so beautiful it was , little did she know that she was looking at someone who would cause her pain for the rest of her life , yes , there were ppl who cud do that and he was going to be one of those ..

she moved on and she again met someone ,thinking this time atleast , the love Gods would have mercy and let her dreams come true .. but dreams are just dreams alas .. he left .. to crumble and crush her life .. and teach her stuff she didnt wanna learn ...

this little dame had the guts to love again .. and she did .. this time she failed yet again , she asked herself ... what is it that keeps me going ? why duznt my heart stop beating before it falls in love cos everytime after a heartbreak it dies a bit anyways ? she didnt ask ''why me'' cos she wud still wanna dream

Her dream was to find love , and give it to her heart , but alas .. she couldnt find it , no matter how she pined .. it was lost somewhere , or so was her fate .. d one thing she wanted she felt , she was denied .. it killed her and made her wonder ... am i me or am i someone else ? if i am me , then how is it that d God up there duznt know me well enuf to knw that all i need is ''love'',

She asked ''how is it that right when im so close to my dreams coming true ,they fall apart ? how long do i learn to live in the joy of the Lord while my soul whines and cries ..how long do i tell myself that this is jus what is right for me ? how long till i find what i came here for ...how much more patience .. and why?''

She needed to know '' is it wrong to dream ? is it wrong to believe ? is it wrong to hurt and still believe .. and believe endlessly ... is ther an end ... or is it always gonna be this way ?''

She was hurt more no. of times than the stars in d sky .. but she still didnt fear falling in love again , she herself didnt know why ... in the dimness of d nite , she wud silently pray absorbing all d pain .. feeling it and letting it seep in ... she wud hear her soul twist and whine ... that she said .. is what is changing ..

How many times more before she would realize that her heart is nothing but a punching bag ....

Migel Ruiz -The four agreements

A few pages later he says :

''People fear because they feel safe in their suffering.They've practiced that and can be in that place for years .They know exactly how to do it .To open the heart is to go into the unknown .People want to reach somewhere without going anywhere .Most people live their life for the end result ,but the living is the life itself .The only way for any of us to say thank you to God ,is to really enjoy and live the life we have .And to say to someone ,''Hey ,I love you.'' Who cares if they love you back ?''

Would she ...

As her friend rightly said , she had hit the wall , either she cud jump it or break it , there was no choice , wid all d options fading out,and after having tried everything else, she felt it wud be easier to just stay pinned to d wall than do any of d above , but that wud be a cowardly thing to do ...so what would she do , who knew how jumping it over wud help or wud it jus lead her to another ditch on d other side , whats on d other side anyways , was her dilemma but she wouldnt know it unless she saw it for herself , faced it herself , was she really ready for it ? was she made of that much metal that she wud face wat was on d other side rather than staying at one place and just wonder ...?

She asked herself would it hurt more to go explore what lay on the other side , what if what was there wasnt what she expected it to be ? She asked herself cornered against her wall of destiny ... is it that certain things should remain unknown and are better that way ...would she be able to face herself with the same pride if she left this to the unknown ...or would this become a regret that she carried with her all her life ? Was the fear of knowing the unknown really so big after all and was it really worth the fear ? Yes she was going to face her worst fear , and she was terrified even before it was there .She asked herself was she really so weak ?

She stood there in her dilemma ...on the verge of facing her worst fears ,on the verge of losing everything ..she stood in her safety zone wondering if her leap would change her life forever ..it was a leap she had to take in her mind .. she only had to overcome this fear and jump the wall ...would she ?

But she knew one thing ...no matter how tough it appeared to be ...she owed this to herself ...she owed this to her life ...the question was ..did she love herself and her life enuf to face what she dreaded most or did she love herself and her life to go get what she wanted most?....would she ?

Dreams

I read this on a friends blog page , its one of my favorite ones --

I knew she was looking at me.....
I knew she wanted to say something......
I knew she would be happy even if I cried......
She held me close to her.....
She had tears in her eyes......
She had all the love I could never have......
We knew we would never be together.....
We knew the dreams would remain unfulfilled.....
We did not get the chance to know each other
But we loved each other.......
I am who am.....
The still born child of my Mother.......

jaane kyon ..dekhi jaane tu !

So what was d deal !!! after so mch persuasion i finally saw jaane tu ya jaane whatever tday ...and i think i saved my frnds their head , i wudda slit em all had i spent money on it really ..aah well
1. since when did ppl talk outve paintings ,was dis a sci -fi or mano ya na mano !
2.if genelia is called meow , why is imran not called bhow bhow ?
3.who is pappu anyways !!
4.i survived the 3 hrs but cudnt figure out wat was ''jaane tu ya jaane na '' abt it
5.why did the mother leave two of her sons behind in raj , cos they were related to salman and prolly wanted to do mre shikaar and imran is related to aamir ?
6.who on earth invented these 3 condns,horses ,jail and maar peet ..uff ....gimme a break ....but nicely placed ...
7.d saving grace was our own jigu ...who wasnt able to decide whether he looked better wid or widout d moustache !

pretty lame :P

Rainfully yours ....

5.45 pm and still at work .. well yeah if im blogging , i don really have much wrk , but that aside ..its yet another rainy day in mumbai ,while i came in at 3 ,most of d ppl outside were rushing back home.most of d second shift ppl have not appeared at d centre today , d ones that did are almost gone , same ol phenomenon ..trains not working water logging , my bhai tol me ..i was a nutcase, going for wrk tday ...i really wudnt beg to differ ;-) ...i love the rains and all that associated wid them too ..there r traffic jams every where and too mch water ..its still pouring outside , and i don hve a clue how am i going to make it back home .. but for goodness sake ..its just rains !

If i may ...

It feels good today , not d usual upbeat (over) confidence that im usually in , but cos one cycle is over, or so it seems , makes sense ? I know it wudnt , to me it duz , didn’t know for a decade , didn’t even understand all this while , the why , the how ..the what …all the ‘?’ ..had no clue …speechless , blank , and loadsa dead ends ..so wats d deal ..someone up there ? knock knock ….?? Nope , that’s what I thought …oh well ..what was I hit by , a truck or did lightening just strike … phew …anyways …after a while there was no game plan ….jus give up , hands up ..heads down … get under the scalpel ..and don even bother asking wat the surgery is abt ..

All the chaos and commotion all this while ..and I thought it was abt me ..nah it wasn’t ..i was jus fooling myself by taking it so personal ..what a joke ! so they say …it was all part of a bigger picture ..didn’t I see it ? why wud I ? I wasn’t even told …oh yeah …they don’t tell u things.. u shud know , u jus learn em along d way !! u go to school ,then u give the exams , afr the exams u learn d lessons , u go thru all d grill , u probably even pass , but hey ….it wasn’t abt u all dis while anyways ..whatte fun !!

..well, well , well .. as long as its over …. What relief ;-)

Ridiculous Assumptions of a Talented Guy

Dude! Innit!! Wassup, smack my bitch up....sometimes this makes me LOL/ LMFAO /ROFLLTPIP. Ok now I got your attention, I have been invited my my friend to contribute to her blog. So here is my attempt, could not come at a right time.

Just off the phone with my boos from NZ, she thinks I am making loadsamoney. Well thats what I thought dentistry was, making money- the first assumption.

I thought its so easy to read books and do dentistry, yes technically its simple- anesthesia, drill and fill and then charge for giving them the discomfort.- second assumption.

Nice cozy life style, working in air conditioned surroundings, working sitting down, working 9 to 5- nice easy life- third assumption

Oh you will look good with this fillings, oh it wont hurt until you got to have the treatment done - fourth assumption.

I thought I am made for this shit, I can keep doing this for 20 odd years and retire in a nice place, with a nice pension- fifth assumption.

Well now the eagles have come to roost, let me tell you - its a load of rubbish.

Dentistry is hard work and only the ones who are really keen should get into this position. What the heck, I love it. I am sure you too love to go to your dentist. I can bet you he/she is a bit of a looney ( not rooney), a bit control freak, inadvertantly over weight ( again i am assuming) possibly borderline suicidal .....would you really want to go to a dentist after all. Now that I have succeeded in scaring you, let me tell you all this is rubbish, coz I am again assuming....

ZIDD KARO !

The new dhoni slogan ''zidd karo'' and why not ? When u know what u want and why u want it ...toh zidd karo ... to whatever it is in life , small things or big ....its ur belief , stand by it ...its what u want ..get it....how many of us do it ..and if we dont , then why dont we ? is it coz we dont belive enuf in ourselves or is it jus plain fear ...is it being used to the stereotype ...and not having d ability to get out of the box ? what is it then ? if u want something really bad , and really really bad ....toh zidd karo ....

or is it jus the notion of getting what we want so strong that we actually lose perspective of how exactly to go get it ? and if we do , then do we really want it that bad ??

zidd karo ....itni karo ...kee haar jaaye kismet ke taare !

Amore aria :-)

Aaaj main upar , aasmaan neeche ..
aaaj main aage ..zamana hain peeche ..
tell me ,Oh Khuda ..ab main kya karoon ??
chaloo aage ke peeche chaloooo

aarre aaarrrre aaarree .....arre arrre arrrree ..!!!

And i found way ..

A dark and ominous cloud surrounds and attempts to shut out the sun.
The joy and warmth of a heart of love shines on.
The darkness has not won.

A wavering deep within the soul questions .. Was I wrong? Did I stray?
Why would this wound me so?
I ponder and I pray.

My God of love is always there and He guides me through each day.
When I weaken and begin to question “why”.
He says, “my child, pray”.

For I will give you all you need
to “weather” such a storm.
Have faith in what you know is true.
My steadfast love transforms

I can dream !

There's no fairy godmother
To make my wish come true.
No genie in a bottle to bring me to you.
No prayer on a fallen star
No magic potion in a jar.
But i can dream and when i do.
I dream that i'm there with you

A new day

Its a new day ..every day is a new day , but for me its new in the sense that it will bring me newer dreams and newer aspirations , the sun is shining in my window , the green grass in the park from here looks greener today ..its beautiful ..the lake is bluer than everyday ....and i look happier than most days ....the first day of the rest of my life has begun and it already is bringing me joy ...a joy of a beginning ..an untold and unseen destiny ....but here it is ...all i want ..all i aspire ....the first small step towards my destiny ....i am happy .it is a new day :)

Now...

Now makes me , now keeps me
Yesterday is gone ...it has let me go
How small would I be ..i ask
Superficial and shallow …selfish and petty
To not let go

Now is what I want , now is what I live
Its this breath now ,its dis music now
What I see ,what I live is now
How small would I be ..i ask
To not let go

The ones that hurt,the ones that lied
The deceits and the betrayals..to them I cried
The tears , the pain …
Are they the real bane ?
How small would I be ..i ask
To not let go

Not them who caused petty losses
Not them who didn’t care
Not them who betrayed and left
Not them who feared
Life is me ..and it is now

What is it that I fear ?
What is it that hurts ?
The nothingness amazes me
I have life and I have it now
Fearlessly March

Live not for tomorrow ..but now !

Conversation with my heart

I am sorry I said to my heart…
I am the one to blame
The reason why you are lonely
The reason why you are sad
The reason why you are lost.
I put you through agony
I caused you pain
I made the same mistakes again
You are the reason I exist
But I am still the reason why you are so sad
I will go wrong again but I need you ..my heart
I am sorry I said to my heart

My heart in its greatness said to me
I cry not alone
I suffer not alone
I am sad ,not alone
I am alone ,not alone
I am lost not alone
You are sad with me
You cry with me
You suffer with me
You are lost with me
You are alone ,but with me
And till the time you have me
And I have you
I will show you way
And you shall walk
Till the time u hear my voice
No pain ,no tears
No sadness , no loneliness
Will be bigger
Than us .

I will be gone

In all the times that I brought smiles in your life
All the times that I reached out
In the small and big ways that I cared
All the love that I felt
All ways in which I brought joy to you
All the silent prayers I made
My silence I thought you would hear some day
The unsaid gestures would touch you some day
The unsaid words you would understand
You never cared

In my sanity I wonder
How is it a love so strong
sleeps silently in the dark
How is it a love so strong
fails to knock at your door
Stone you maybe, i know just this
A love so strong cudnt stay unanswered this long
But I fear just this ,when you realize
I WILL BE GONE.

I forgot it all

Your smile, your voice
Your ways, your touch
Those eyes
I forgot it all

My dreams, my hopes
My love, my heart
My tears, my pain
I forgot it all

The haunting memories
The gruelling truths
Those agonizing times
I forgot it all

The shattered lives
The heart wrenching cold vibes
The battles within
I forgot it all

But what I could never forget
Was the day I first met you.

Only you

When I breathe
When I sleep
When I dream
When I smile
When I cry
When I hurt and when I pine
Its you ,its you and its only you

When I am silent
When I am dancing and singing
When I am talking and even listening
When I am whistling
When I am here and when I am not
When I live and when I die
Its you ,its you and its only you

You will never be alone

I am done ,no more ..said I
I yelled , I cried , I pined
I thought the tears wud make Him realize
I couldn’t go no further ,not now
I was tired ,I was lost
I am done ,no more ..said I
I want to be alone

I give up ..i give up ..i cried
I don want no more , I don want no more
I couldn’t hear me anymore
I couldn’t see me anymore
I felt powerless ,I felt lost
I was in a maze ..no way out
I give up ..i give up ..i cried
I want to be alone

Everything hurt
Everything tore me apart
No light ,no hope
No answers ,no ways
Only roads and long roads
To walk upon,,
Everything hurt
I want to be alone

I didn’t want nothing
I didn’t want love
I didn’t want help
I didn’t want peace
I didn’t want anyone
I didn’t care
I wanted to be alone

I jus wanted to go
I wanted to go away from Him
I wanted to be lost
I didn’t want to be found
I didn’t want to be heard
I didn’t want to be seen

In the darkness of the nights
In d sorrows of the lives
In the twinkling of the stars
In the shine of the moon
I cried
I wanted to be alone

I wanted to go
But there is one hand
That didn’t let me go
That one hand held me tight
Still holds me tight
And tells me everyday

‘oh little one …I hold ur hand
and till I am there ,ur sorrows are mine
u wont be alone even if u try
cos I made u
no matter how u cry and how u whine
u will find me there ..holding ur hand
I may not give u answers , I may not give u miracles
But I will always be there right next to u
No matter how u try ..u will never be alone’