I will be finally be going home on tuesday . I am excited .. to go home to my husband .. to be able to start a normal life like any other couple .. and get over with this madness of two yrs . Before I started out i told myself that these 2 yrs will be over before i know , and here it is .. they are over now , and it feels good .. really really good ... I will finally have a home . Ever since my folks moved to US it was never the same .. I got the feel of a home for a year when I came to US in 2008 but it didn't last long .. I've mostly lived alone in the last 9 years or so and I can't say I liked it much , it was a lotve independence but too much loneliness as well . I realized I need people around me .. to talk to , to laugh with , to fight with too ...
Our relationship has grown and shaped beautifully , we have had a whole lot of ups and downs .. too many speed breakers .. but we will be okay ..  will be okay if we both have learnt from those ups and downs .. I AM hoping that we have . 

This is exactly what i thought to myself few days back and it has been penned down so beautifully by someone 




1. Ppl r often unreasonable n self-centred,
forgive thm neway

2. If ur honest, ppl may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.
...
3. The gud u do today may be forgottn tmrw,
do gud anyway

4. The ppl u care for may nt appreciate ur affection,
luv dm anyway,

5. Give d world d best u have n it may never b enough,
give ur best anyway.

Coz in the end, it is btwn U n GOD.
It was never between u and them anyway 

So yesterday was the last day at school .. the day i waited for so long .. i will graduate on may 5 , there is one more challenge coming up for me on may 1 and i hope it all goes well.

 I realized .. sometimes we know what we want but we do the exact opposite of what is needed to be done to get what we want .. and then we wonder why we didn't get what we wanted . lol .. seriously lol ..
The truth is .. and i have to draw up a lot of courage to say this .. i never followed my heart .. and i probably never will .. i couldn't believe it when i realized this .. but thats exactly what i have done .. how mucked up could that possibly be ? 

So there is always a new challenge to face .. and I am facing a few right now. Two different boards to take , little support .. i think i sometimes push myself a bit too much and i don't know if i will be able to manage so many things , take them over without knowing my own capacity .I have done this earlier and i am doing it again  , i have barely been unsuccessful in the past and i am hoping it all works out this time too. I wonder if it is going to be good enough THOUGH , i really didn't need to take two different boards . I could have just taken CRDTS and been done with it , in a group on 100 people ,it is only 2 people who are taking a different board , thats how rare it is .
Its not been easy , its more stressful than i imagined , i know i can do this , what i don't know is .. is it going to be appreciated enough , if the ones i am doing this for even know how tough this is on me .. i tried letting them know .. and guess what i got..
I just need to know that i can do this .
What i have learnt ? To be able to say NO . 

Somehow , just somehow I believe in a God who is fair , even when He is showing his unfairness abundantly . In his unfairness lies His will to discipline His children and make them stronger . 

I chose this , it is nobody's fault but mine . I didn't know .. I was naive and got carried away with the saying that good things happen to good people .They don't , you just have to at some point grow up and if you don't .. you will be forced to. 

I may have written this innumerable times but any amount of time i write it , its less .. LIFE AMAZES ME .It is hands down the best teacher there ever can be and yes I have realized it before and I am realizing it all over again .. you simply cannot , should not and will not escape the lessons it will teach you .. the person it will make out of you and maybe here I should add life and God work hand in hand to somehow work on our soul .. there are times when i feel that .. its so intense .. everything that goes on around me , the way it affects me , the way it changes the person I am , and mind you .. for the better .. the way it alters my outlook towards stuff .. its breathtakingly surreal .. yes .. that adjective might sound a little off for this kind of description but sometimes I just do not have words to express what I feel .. the magnanimity of it all .. the way it falls into place .. how its beginning to have a calming effect on me .. I am not sure I make much sense right now because I feel a little overwhelmed .. by its ways .. by God's ways .. by the realizations that I have .. how some things no longer matter .. how all that matters is ..me , my life and my God and everything else is an illusion .. a big big illusion .. LOL

Thank you zindagi :)