A new day

Its a new day ..every day is a new day , but for me its new in the sense that it will bring me newer dreams and newer aspirations , the sun is shining in my window , the green grass in the park from here looks greener today ..its beautiful ..the lake is bluer than everyday ....and i look happier than most days ....the first day of the rest of my life has begun and it already is bringing me joy ...a joy of a beginning ..an untold and unseen destiny ....but here it is ...all i want ..all i aspire ....the first small step towards my destiny ....i am happy .it is a new day :)

Now...

Now makes me , now keeps me
Yesterday is gone ...it has let me go
How small would I be ..i ask
Superficial and shallow …selfish and petty
To not let go

Now is what I want , now is what I live
Its this breath now ,its dis music now
What I see ,what I live is now
How small would I be ..i ask
To not let go

The ones that hurt,the ones that lied
The deceits and the betrayals..to them I cried
The tears , the pain …
Are they the real bane ?
How small would I be ..i ask
To not let go

Not them who caused petty losses
Not them who didn’t care
Not them who betrayed and left
Not them who feared
Life is me ..and it is now

What is it that I fear ?
What is it that hurts ?
The nothingness amazes me
I have life and I have it now
Fearlessly March

Live not for tomorrow ..but now !

Conversation with my heart

I am sorry I said to my heart…
I am the one to blame
The reason why you are lonely
The reason why you are sad
The reason why you are lost.
I put you through agony
I caused you pain
I made the same mistakes again
You are the reason I exist
But I am still the reason why you are so sad
I will go wrong again but I need you ..my heart
I am sorry I said to my heart

My heart in its greatness said to me
I cry not alone
I suffer not alone
I am sad ,not alone
I am alone ,not alone
I am lost not alone
You are sad with me
You cry with me
You suffer with me
You are lost with me
You are alone ,but with me
And till the time you have me
And I have you
I will show you way
And you shall walk
Till the time u hear my voice
No pain ,no tears
No sadness , no loneliness
Will be bigger
Than us .

I will be gone

In all the times that I brought smiles in your life
All the times that I reached out
In the small and big ways that I cared
All the love that I felt
All ways in which I brought joy to you
All the silent prayers I made
My silence I thought you would hear some day
The unsaid gestures would touch you some day
The unsaid words you would understand
You never cared

In my sanity I wonder
How is it a love so strong
sleeps silently in the dark
How is it a love so strong
fails to knock at your door
Stone you maybe, i know just this
A love so strong cudnt stay unanswered this long
But I fear just this ,when you realize
I WILL BE GONE.

I forgot it all

Your smile, your voice
Your ways, your touch
Those eyes
I forgot it all

My dreams, my hopes
My love, my heart
My tears, my pain
I forgot it all

The haunting memories
The gruelling truths
Those agonizing times
I forgot it all

The shattered lives
The heart wrenching cold vibes
The battles within
I forgot it all

But what I could never forget
Was the day I first met you.

Only you

When I breathe
When I sleep
When I dream
When I smile
When I cry
When I hurt and when I pine
Its you ,its you and its only you

When I am silent
When I am dancing and singing
When I am talking and even listening
When I am whistling
When I am here and when I am not
When I live and when I die
Its you ,its you and its only you

You will never be alone

I am done ,no more ..said I
I yelled , I cried , I pined
I thought the tears wud make Him realize
I couldn’t go no further ,not now
I was tired ,I was lost
I am done ,no more ..said I
I want to be alone

I give up ..i give up ..i cried
I don want no more , I don want no more
I couldn’t hear me anymore
I couldn’t see me anymore
I felt powerless ,I felt lost
I was in a maze ..no way out
I give up ..i give up ..i cried
I want to be alone

Everything hurt
Everything tore me apart
No light ,no hope
No answers ,no ways
Only roads and long roads
To walk upon,,
Everything hurt
I want to be alone

I didn’t want nothing
I didn’t want love
I didn’t want help
I didn’t want peace
I didn’t want anyone
I didn’t care
I wanted to be alone

I jus wanted to go
I wanted to go away from Him
I wanted to be lost
I didn’t want to be found
I didn’t want to be heard
I didn’t want to be seen

In the darkness of the nights
In d sorrows of the lives
In the twinkling of the stars
In the shine of the moon
I cried
I wanted to be alone

I wanted to go
But there is one hand
That didn’t let me go
That one hand held me tight
Still holds me tight
And tells me everyday

‘oh little one …I hold ur hand
and till I am there ,ur sorrows are mine
u wont be alone even if u try
cos I made u
no matter how u cry and how u whine
u will find me there ..holding ur hand
I may not give u answers , I may not give u miracles
But I will always be there right next to u
No matter how u try ..u will never be alone’

Revelations

I walked towards my home ....i knew it was going to be a long long night ..but little did i know that i was going to experience certain emotions i never knew existed ..a combination of pain, anger ,misery ,fear ,betrayal and helplessness ...wanting to yell out aloud ...but holding back ...as i thought throughtout the night ...looking out from my window ..watching the city sleep ...realizing that everyone was in there dream world and here i was ..dealing with shattered dreams and not wanting to dream anymore ...fighting out the demons that were discouraging me ,that were taking 'me' away from 'me' ...the demons that were wanting me to lose ...yes i had a dead dream that night ...i tried to sleep ..but realized it was an effort in vain ..i had to fight myself out that night ....as the first light of dawn broke out ....i was somehow pleased that the night had passed though i had done nothing ...i still felt helpless and in immense pain ...i decided to walk out of the house ....i walked out from the night into the daylight ...from my house towards the road ....with tears rolling down and i was almost unable to see clearly ....the light was still dim ...and i could see on the road the milkman, the paper guy , the car wash guy ....some olderly ppl walking on the road ....some birds that had just woken up and were flying outve their nests .....this was life .....and thats when i realized life was bigger than anything i could be faced with , all those ppl on the road ...i donno if they saw me ....but they were giving me strenght ...to stand up , to walk ....to live .....in some odd way ....i realized that no matter who kills ur dream ...u still have ur life and its bigger and much more beautiful than anything else ...that no matter what u face ..no matter which demons haunt u in the darkness of the night ....the morning brings a light ...that will help u hold on to life ...and this light is not ever going anywhere ..if u allow ureself to see it ....

That night changed me ....i still look back and sometimes it haunts me ...but i thank that bit too cos i wouldve never seen the beauty of life that we can see inspite of all that kills us and pulls us back ...for me nothing had happened , the situations were still the same ...only the vision had changed ....i knew i had won my first battle.