So we will have a successful FT if aaruv is ready 

Vashi uncle already knew my apprehensions . He said he wasnt sure becos of aaruv and how he will react. Whatever way this ends Maharaj is in control and He will do whatever is right for Aaruv 

However Aaruv who has never slept alone slept by himself when they were all here 

I think he is ready 

I dreamed of J today 

What i want to remind myself is that that relationship is safe in my dreams only . The real world destroys everything. 

Im pretty sure none of it would be like my dreams had it been materialized .Life would find a way to ruin it like ir ruins everything 

Most of our dreams , when and if they come true are ruined in reality . The reality is dark , it’s harsh and it’s hardcore .

Like getting married was such an important thing growing up , finding that one 

 Bhootkaal - everything that has happened until before this moment is bhootkal - bhoot - not to be remembered and forgotten cos its over 

ALL of our problems ARE because of our past . Its over . It’s gone and it’s NOT coming back . We thing and reminisce over it too much and lose touch with the present , allow it to spread its claws on the present and destroy it as well . Dont let it ruin the present . It has already ruined the past and we couldnt do anything about it BUT it is in our hands to not let it ruin the present . The only way the past will ruin the present is if we let it ! So the way to be in control of the present is by letting past be in the past . 

 I feel negative , and it’s likely from the hormones. I cant shake it off 

I keep thinking abt all the wrongs in my life and how unfortunate I am generally 

I need the hormones to stop controlling me NOW 

 While it feels like god is not on ur side cos nothing goes right believe He  still is in control no matter how crazy that sounds but He is 

You are trying to go to point A He wants you to go to point B 

No matter how hard u want to go to the destination u determined for urself it’s still going to go by His plan and that’s hard cos u don’t believe in his plan

Just start believing in his plan . Leave it to Him . Please . 

 Love is torture 

Love makes u feel like u cannot breathe Or even exist 

Love doesn’t end 

It is forever even when u want to be done with it , it stays right there

Love burns , hurts like million needles in your body 

The one you loved maybe gone but love stays 

I found that kind of love 

 It took me 30 yrs to realize that no amount of Jafars to yuvies or Gauravs will make me happy but the God inside me that has always been telling me that He is always going to look out for me 

 J came in my dream today and like always was super nice to me , spoke to my dad and handed me a box of sweets that said MJ on them . He is and always will be my forever valentine. 

My first mistake was when he cheated on me the first time and I forgave him but guru wanted me to 

After that he treated me bad while pregnant I was vulnerable and lost but I should’ve left him then 

Then he went to jail and a few yrs later I found out he cheated on me risking my health with sex workers I still stayed because that’s what guru wanted

Aaruv had issues with speech , guru said he will be fine and I believed Him 

Last yr when they came Aaruv behaved very weird they said someone had done some black magic 

When we went to Boston for 4 days aaruv fell very ill out of nowhere and I said to myself that if they were involved in any foul play with aaruv then within a day something really bad will happen , we all know what happened next . 

I was in disbelief . 

I am tired of this family taking the world for granted 

It’s time for them to repay