Buried forever

Thru the clouds i saw
Beautiful and clear .. d beauty of d day
Around in my heart , all day it lay
Pleasure peace and happiness
Deep from the heart .. yes u may ...

I hurt and i wept , i cried and i pined..
Happiness and glory and strings of joy
Tears and laughter ,and pleasures of the rain
As it fell on me , i realized it wasnt really pain
No it wasnt , it was a peace in d pain

Peace in d pain ..yes u may
Around in my heart all day it lay ..
Carrying it wid a smile ,i did ..
Tears in my eyes and smile on my face
Pain in the heart , and happiness again ..

Hurt and tears and happiness and joy
All intertwined one in d other ..ahoy
No more hoping ,no wishes on a star
No more dreams ,no genie in a jar..
Buried forever

How often do we respect the choices that we make ? and if we don't , then why do we make those choices anyway ? Isnt it time to ask ourselves to be more responsible and answerable to our ownselves ?

Alvida .. I let u go ..

...how often do u come across someone u can care for , pray for , and be in love with , even when they do not love u back ..

.. love has only one definition ... do not expect ever , and if u can still love ,getting nothing at all back ... that's love .. and it has its own contentment ... it duz pierce u thru and thru a lotta times ... but its a beautiful feeling .. a mix of love and pain .. both competing wid each other at being more intense than the other .. guess which one wins ..im still figuring out .. duz it hurt more , or is there more love .. donno ... at some level they become part of each other and u cant make out which is which .....

I dont know what bound me to u , but whatever it was .. was very strong, i have never known anything or anyone have that effect on me .. i know u know .. i know u always knew .. even in the unsaid stuff .. i know u will always know .. i dont know how something so strong cudnt find its way .. it simply wasnt meant to be .. as we move on wid other ppl .. i will always know deep down .. what true love felt like .. loving you was a blessing .. u belong to someone else and so do i .. but those feelings were sacred and i will always respect and cherish them .. i always say that chapter is closed .. in all honesty .. i still feel u and i can never be finished cos it comes from another lifetime .. and it will finish only in another .. as for now ..

I let u go .. alvida ..

''When God puts u to it , He also puts u thru it ''

This is what Guarav emailed back to me , no i do not knw him .. not literally .. but thru human threads mebbe i do , he suffers frm Acute myeloid leukemia-AML , he has a family and loved ones who didnt wanna lose him , he found out abt his condition few mths back ... but fought it thru , not knowing wat end of road was going to be like , but believing that no matter what it was going to be like , he was going to fight it ... d costs for d transplant and figuring out donors , obviously none of it must be easy , i happened to follow all of it on his website , my contribution was only good wishes ... but i learnt .. even when u dont know if u will finish a winner , u still have to run the race .. cos the running is winning enuf ... cos life will keep u guessing .. there will be hurdles , a million of those ... but dont give up .. cos u don lose when u lose , u lose when u give up ...

He still has to undergo the transplant which will be later this month .. but .. he has already won.

Ok , so dis totally sucks , i hve two more weeks for d exam , its closing in on me , and in all honesty , i feel so lost , i manage to get an 86 in my mock tests , i make all possible silly mistakes , my head feels like a dumping ground , there is too mch in it ,, im trying to articulate everything ,.. d processor is going to crash , d disc space is less and too mch data .. damn ! wtf am i going to do ?? oh pls ... something ,, think think think .. cos dis is it ... i cant freak , i need all d data intact ... wats my back up /.? phew im jus blabbering haywire stuff ... oh yeah i am .. wat do i do ... im freaking , stressing , apprehension anxiety , all in one ... GOD ... u there ... pls ,.. see me thru ... technically speaking ive done my studies , ive done my prayers .. so i shud be good ... but wat abt d fear ... oh u fear not .. go give d damn thing and get done wid it , its been 5-6 mths and its driven me insane ... i jus wanna finish it now and nvr wanna see these board books again ... pls God u listening nah ... i will not have d inclination or motivation to do any of it again ...

so wats my plan B then ? no clue .... dahh , how many times hve i tol myself to alwiz hve a plan B in life ... i hve none ... dis is do or die ... aww .. mre stress ... mre anxiety ... bull ... pls ... stop .. go .. leave ... don come bck here till june 2 !