I walked towards my home ....i knew it was going to be a long long night ..but little did i know that i was going to experience certain emotions i never knew existed ..a combination of pain, anger ,misery ,fear ,betrayal and helplessness ...wanting to yell out aloud ...but holding back ...as i thought throughtout the night ...looking out from my window ..watching the city sleep ...realizing that everyone was in there dream world and here i was ..dealing with shattered dreams and not wanting to dream anymore ...fighting out the demons that were discouraging me ,that were taking 'me' away from 'me' ...the demons that were wanting me to lose ...yes i had a dead dream that night ...i tried to sleep ..but realized it was an effort in vain ..i had to fight myself out that night ....as the first light of dawn broke out ....i was somehow pleased that the night had passed though i had done nothing ...i still felt helpless and in immense pain ...i decided to walk out of the house ....i walked out from the night into the daylight ...from my house towards the road ....with tears rolling down and i was almost unable to see clearly ....the light was still dim ...and i could see on the road the milkman, the paper guy , the car wash guy ....some olderly ppl walking on the road ....some birds that had just woken up and were flying outve their nests .....this was life .....and thats when i realized life was bigger than anything i could be faced with , all those ppl on the road ...i donno if they saw me ....but they were giving me strenght ...to stand up , to walk ....to live .....in some odd way ....i realized that no matter who kills ur dream ...u still have ur life and its bigger and much more beautiful than anything else ...that no matter what u face ..no matter which demons haunt u in the darkness of the night ....the morning brings a light ...that will help u hold on to life ...and this light is not ever going anywhere ..if u allow ureself to see it ....
That night changed me ....i still look back and sometimes it haunts me ...but i thank that bit too cos i wouldve never seen the beauty of life that we can see inspite of all that kills us and pulls us back ...for me nothing had happened , the situations were still the same ...only the vision had changed ....i knew i had won my first battle.
